Finding the way

Everyday, I wake up, get ready and go to work. I do it everyday with a long to-do list both written in a notebook and engraved in my memory. My reflexes are the same: get to the office, start my laptop and contemplate the long stream of emails that happened between midnight and eight am. I go through all of them taking time to reply, classify and give them as much attention as they deserve. Eight sleeping hours caused a lot of carnage I am thinking! I should contemplate skipping sleep from now on or something. No, really. Sarcasm is much needed while reading this boring email that basically says do this and that and put your life on the side for a couple days.

Time is sliding by and I decide to interact with the humans around me; they are also called my colleagues. Between the good mornings, the greetings and the complaints about yesterday’s last meeting, I nod, smile and make a mental note to check my inbox again in case X replied back to my reply. You know, trying to keep up. It’s 10 am; time for that long meeting where everyone insists on giving the longest updates and zooming into the nitty gritty details of their work. It’s like out of the sudden everyone is enjoying the attention and has a platform to voice everything out. I listen, take minutes, feed things into my dear to-do list and hope that I am still alive after Y tries to explain how we need to do more work with less people! It’s mathematically impossible! Oh did I say that out loud? No, but my face certainly expressed the disdain. “Are you done? We need you”. Yes! Get me out of there. “Sorry, I have to tend to an emergency” One that does not threaten a life, but you know I am channelling my inner “Baywatch” (Alerte a Malibu). If I can’t be a lifeguard, I can at least pretend to be one. Crisis averted, meeting escaped and it’s already noon and time for lunch. I haven’t touched my work today.

I need to lock myself somewhere and finish my tasks. I still go for lunch to refuel and mostly get away and regroup with myself. You remember that talk about regrouping, escaping and oh what was it? finishing my tasks? That went down the drain. Between the emails, planned and unplanned meetings and uncalled for tasks, my to-do list is frozen in time. I guess it figured out how to beat time unlike me who is growing older by the second. Or is it sucking the life out me? It’s to-do list not Dracula! The point is, it is five pm. Outstanding! I have a happy client and delighted colleagues but one upset me. It was not meant to go this way. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Couple tomorrows after and it’s still the same. What is happening and why am I stuck in this infinite time sucking routine? Why is it that we can summarize our productivity some days (or most?) by how many emails we processed and how many meetings we survived? We are achieving results, however you define that, but are we really working wholeheartedly?  Misused word you say? I beg to differ. In our efforts to live wholeheartedly, with unconditional commitment, unstinting devotion, and unreserved enthusiasm, we ought to be able to work wholeheartedly. Work is just work. Moneymaking corporations maybe using us but we should find the right work life – soul feeding balance. Yes, Yes and Yes. In all cases and courses of life, if we embrace living with a purpose, structure and objectives, work will be one piece of the puzzle.

I guess the question now is: is this the one page of my diary that just repeats itself? Is there no escape? Today, I looked at my to do list and it seemed empty. Guess what? There is way we just have to find it.

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