It is 11 am on a weekend; I am lying on the beach, a book in my hands trying to have a tan. Surrounded by my closest acquaintances, hearing them laughing about the latest jokes heard in office. In a perfect world, that should be one of the happiest Sundays.
However, it is sad, lonely and never satisfied. What does it want?
- It is shaped within a healthy body. What if this body is hiding a hereditary decease to be discovered in couple of years?
- It is surrounded by the warmth laugh and love. What if those are not true and it is only hypocrisy
- It started a successful career in a multinational company. What if it got fired
All these questions were asked by this small organ at the center of my young body: my heart. It did not give any chance to my brain to question anything. So, I decided to leave the beach and drive home. Otherwise with those questions, my temper would change, and I would be the person who was ruining the party which is usually the case.
Once home, in front of my laptop, I decided to write about this thing that I cannot name: My heart is too rational. It is too afraid to be hurt to be left alone. It does not experience love, rage or grudge. It is closed.
“You have to stop this, you are taking my place: You have to feel and to open up. It will make this body & soul grow” was screaming my brain
“I am saving you time and money to concentrate on different perspectives” was answering the red organ.
So this is a fact, I am having a closed brained heart. It does not want to experience its duty: Feelings, on the pretext of protecting the Human Me. To make a new friend, s/he should prove that is faithful and always here. If not, this person would be sidelined. It does not want to love to not be broken. But let me tell you, I am tired and fed up with this situation. I am now alone, unhappy and most importantly inexperienced. I want to be deceived, heartbroken and delighted by new meetings. Please re-think about it and start doing your job. What does not kill us makes us stronger including you. I am giving you a second chance to re-live, we are getting old and it seems that we were living others life. Dear brain, please help.